![]() So the photographer would have to stand two inches from me and go, “No.like THIS!” and she’d twist herself into a pose. The photographer would tell me how to pose and I’d be squinting at her in confusion, cursing my poor eyesight and eventually having to admit that it looked like she was just doing jumping jacks from my perspective. “I’m taking off my glasses so I can’t quite see what you’re doing,” I explained as I headed for the backdrop. She introduced herself and instructed me where to stand. “Let’s go take some pictures,” she said and led me into the back. Because she kept adding mascara to them and I was about to say something like, “I’d rather not look like Tammy Faye Baker (may she rest in peace) if that’s okay with you…”īut then she announced that she was done. When you see a POINT coming at you, you lose all sense of direction. “DOWN!” she shrieked when I accidentally looked up. Then she practically poked my eye out with the mascara. “Eyes again,” the lady muttered and started rubbing more stuff on them. ![]() You never appreciate breathing until you take a brief break from it. Right when I was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, the lady finished. So I just held my breath as I was sprayed and then I realized, crap, I need to BREATHE but then I was paranoid that the foundation would get into my lungs, I’d get sick and then die and wouldn’t that stink if I perished because I inhaled foundation? I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to breathe when it was being splashed on my face. I guess if you find getting liquid sprayed on your face exciting. Isn’t that exciting?” she gushed, getting the tiny silver machine that was sitting on the counter ready. A few minutes later she instructed me to close my eyes because she was going to spray foundation on my face. She started rummaging through her makeup and suddenly she was putting stuff around my eyes. “I know what I’m going to do,” the lady told me seriously. I just leaped out of my skin for the fun of it.īut to her I just went, “I’m okay. “Did I scare you?” she wondered, rubbing my shoulder. You’re totally creeping me out.”īut then the lady suddenly clapped her hands and I jumped in my chair. There was another brief silence and I was tempted to slide off the chair and say, “You know what? Forget this. ![]() I attempt eyeliner but usually fail horribly.” I gave a nervous laugh. Just, you know, some foundation and some blush. “What kind of makeup do you like?” she inquired. “You seem to have a lovely collection here….” I trailed off. “Thank you.” I gestured to all the makeup she had laid out in front of her. I was about to say something cheesy like, “Please stop looking at my zits!” but then she spoke. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable and squirmed a little on my chair. The Latino woman was in charge of my makeup. So I just gave them a friendly smile and said something like, “We’re in our twenties.”Īfter the paperwork was finished we were led to the makeup chairs. If I pissed them off they could make me look like Bozo the Clown. And these ladies were in charge of my makeup. We’re totally ditching school and our first stop was Glamour Shots.”īut see, that’s sarcastic and rude. It was on the tip of my tongue to say something like, “You caught us! We’re high schoolers. “I was wondering where your mothers were!” she chirped. “You’re kidding?” she said, her perfectly shaped eyebrows disappearing behind her bangs. The Latino woman didn’t look like she believed me at first. “I’m 26 and she’s 25,” I said, gesturing to Jennifer who was busy filling out the paperwork. Maybe it’s just because I watch Desperate Housewives and I’m used to the Latino character Gabby mouthing off. She was Latino and I’ve heard Latinos are quite blunt. I was about to lean over to Jennifer and ask if I smelled or something but then one of the makeup ladies spoke. Was that what the women were gaping at? I ran my tongue along my teeth and didn’t feel anything. But then I worried that there was something stuck on my teeth. I surreptitiously checked my fly and breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that it was up. I was beginning to think that my fly was undone again. The two women who were going to be doing our makeup kept shooting perplexed expressions in our direction. So Jennifer and I get to Glamour Shots and we’re given papers to fill out. It’s just how it goes and I’ve accepted that. Apparently I need makeup caked on my face and half a can of hair spray in my hair in order to look appealing on film. I had done them a few years before and actually got some good photographs from the process. Jennifer and I did Glamour Shots while we were at the Mall of America.
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